Scoretime

Pick up artist

2008-09-08T12:09:00.001-07:00

"So, Allan here tells me you're a pick
up artist?"

I took a sip of my Malibu and Pineapple.
The man sitting in front of me was
nursing a beer. Our mutual friend Allan
was sitting back with a big grin on his
face.

"I really hate that term," I said. "I
prefer to think of myself as a cool guy
women find irresistible."

Gary, the man before me, laughed at that.

"Either way, he says you're pretty good
with women."

"I'm okay," I said.

"Don't be modest," said Gary. "You wrote
a book about this, didn't you?"

I turned to Allan. Allan was a cool guy,
but he tended to introduce me to everyone
he knew as the "pick up guy."

It wouldn't be so bad if the people he
told weren't constantly trying to find
out if I was a fake or not.

"My book is about a lot of things," I
replied. "Its about how to be more
confident with yourself, how to meet
women, recognize attraction signals,
and display your interest in ways
that won't get you rejected."

"Fascinating," said Gary. "I wish I
had a book like that when I was in
High School."

"Don't we all?" chimed in Allan.

I nodded, silently cursing myself for
wasting a perfectly good Friday night
by going out with Allan and his friend.

It wasn't that they were bad guys, or
that I didn't like hanging out with
them, but this was the perfect time to
be meeting women, and I was stuck with
two men instead.

"So you could pick up any woman in this
bar?" asked Gary.

I shook my head. "No, I can't do that.
There are too many factors involved. But
I could easily meet any woman in this bar."

"Really?" said Gary. "I'd love to see
that!"

"Me too," said Allan.

Allan had seen me do it before, but he
really got off on seeing the reaction of
people who HADN'T seen me in action. I
rolled my eyes.

"I'm really not into performing in front
of an audience," I said.

Gary frowned for a second. "Then what
about a bet?" he said.

"What do you mean?" I asked.

"I'll bet you free drinks the rest of the
night you can't go up and get a number from
a woman I pick out for you."

I smiled and shook my head. "You really
want to see this in action, don't you?"

"You bet 'cha!" said Gary. "What do you
say?"

I really hate backing down from challenges,
even when I'm put on the spot. But free
drinks for the night sounded pretty good
to me.

"One condition," I said. "Allan gets to
choose the girl."

"Deal," said Gary.

Allan started scanning the room. The bar
was a small, poorly lit place off of Vine
Street in Hollywood called Daddy's Lounge.

We had gotten to the place early, and it
was now starting to get crowded. There
were plenty of girls there this night.

I liked Daddy's because it was away from
the hard-core club scene of the Sunset
Strip. The girls were easier to approach,
and the music wasn't as loud.

Eventually, Allan stopped on a group of
four girls standing by the bar.

"Those," he said. "Over there, by the bar."

"That's a bit unfair," said Gary. "There
are four of them."

"Don't sweat it," I said. "That's actually
easier to approach than a girl who's by
herself."

Gary cocked an eyebrow. "Really?"

"Yep. Any girl in particular, Allan?"

"Which ever one you want," he smiled.

I studied the group for a moment, trying to
get a feel for the dynamic. There were three
white girls and a black girl. One was very
attractive, two were cute, one of the white
girls was a bit chubby for my tastes.

I noticed the chubby girl was the one doing
all the talking.

None of the girls were dressed to impress. It
was simple attire, not your usual club wear.

I sat back for a moment deciding the best
way to approach the group, and once I had it,
I got to my feet and made my way over to them.

(I could almost feel Gary's eyes glued to my
back.)

I approached an opening between two girls
in the group, and made sure my voice was
loud enough to hear.

"Hey guys," I said.

As soon as I opened my mouth, all four girls
stared at me.

This is the part of approaching I always
hate. I just intruded on a closed conversation
and the defenses have gone up. But I was
committed, so I had to see it through.

"This'll only take a second, and then I'll be
on my way. But I've got a really weird
question for you. Do you guys watch a lot of
TV?"

The girls all looked at each other for a
moment. I suspected the chubby one was
the leader of the group, but whoever
answered first would be the one in charge.

"That's a strange question to ask in a bar,"
said the chubby one.

I smiled. "I told you it was a weird one."

"Why do you want to know?" she asked.

"Have you ever seen that show Desperate
Housewives?" I asked.

One of the girls, a cute brunette, lit up
at that.

"Oh, I love that show!" she said.

I smiled at her. She just volunteered to
be my target.

"Okay, then maybe you can help me out with
this," I said. "I have a theory, that
Every girl relates to one of the Desperate
Housewives more than the others, and you
can tell a lot about her based on the one
she likes the best. But it only works if
you've seen the show. So you've seen it,
but what about the rest of you?"

"We've all seen it," said the chubby one.

"Great, then you know what I'm talking
about. So which one is your favorite?"

"Why are you asking us this?" said the
chubby one suspiciously.

I pointed to Allan and Gary at our table.
"See those two guys over there?" I asked.

"Yeah," she said.

"We've been arguing about this all night,
and I wanted to prove my theory. So I
wanted to get a female viewpoint on this.
But I can already tell which Housewife
you relate to best."

The chubby one got a bit defensive at
this.

"Okay," she said. "Which one?"

"I'd say you relate most to the Ava Longoria
character."

The chubby one looked at me strange. I was
wrong, but I knew that before I said it.

"Why's that?" she asked.

"Because her character is smarter than most
give her credit for, and she has a great deal
of inner strength that helps her to get what
she wants, even though others constantly
underestimate her."

The chubby one softened up a bit more at
this. "I actually like Felicity Huffman
better," she said.

"Why's that?" I asked.

"Because she doesn't take sh*t from anyone,
and no matter what happens to her, she's
a good mom and a good wife who loves her
family."

"Awesome! See? I knew you had it in you!"

At that I raised my hand for a high five.
She gave me one and laughed.

"See? You've got a great smile, you should
show it more often."

"Thanks," she said.

"What about the rest of you? Which Housewife?"

I went around the group, saving my target
for last.

"I'm totally a Terri Hatcher," she said.

"Uh oh," I said smiling. "You're the one who
gets locked out of her house naked and burns
your neighbor's homes down?"

The girls all laughed.

"That's me!" she said. "I'm a total cluts."

"But the thing about Terri Hatcher is that
even though she causes a lot of trouble, it
always happens because she's got a good
heart. In a way, she's the most innocent of
the Housewives."

"Well, I don't know about being innocent,"
she said.

I raised my eyebrow. "A wolf in sheep's
clothing, eh? I can tell you're going to
be trouble."

I turned to the other three girls.

"Is it true? Is she the one always going
out to pick up guys and molest them?"

The group laughed.

"No, no, that's me!" said the chubby one.
"Sandra is the nice one. She's shy."

I turned to Sandra. "Really? You don't
seem shy."

"Depends on the mood I'm in," she said.

"And what mood are you in right now?" I asked.

"Oh, I'm not feeling shy tonight!" she giggled.

I sensed this was my cue to isolate her. I
turned to the chubby one.

"Hey, would you mind if I borrowed your
friend for a second? I'll bring her right
back, I just want to show her something."

"What are you going to show her?" the
chubby one asked.

"Its a surprise. When I'm done, I'll come
back and show you."

"Okay," said the chubby. "We'll be here."

At this point, I took Sandra by the hand
and lead her off to the side, far enough
away not to be heard by her friends, but
close enough so she didn't get freaked
out.

At this point, I did some of my mid-game
things, and talked a lot to her, using
my "fish and hook" method. She was a very
sweet girl, and very easy to talk to.

Normally, I'd go for setting up the date
at this point, but the bet was for the
phone number. I pulled out my cell phone
and handed it to her.

She typed in her number and hit the send
button so it was stored in my phone. I
then called it up and entered her name.

When I took her back to her friends, I
asked them if they would like to join me
and my friends. They said yes, and I
brought them over to Allan and Gary.

As I sat down, I showed Gary the number
in my phone.

"Drinks are on Gary, girls," I said. "Order
as much as you want!"

The girls all cheered. Gary laughed.

"It was worth it just to see you pull that
off," he said after the night was over.

"I'm glad you liked it," I said.

"So, how can I learn how to do that?" he
asked.

"Practice," I said.

Irish Life Guide

2008-05-30T11:08:00.000-07:00

Click here for Irish Life Guide

Football Latest

2008-03-02T12:55:00.001-08:00

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Football Latest

Football lookalikes

2008-02-24T04:58:00.000-08:00

Click here for Football Lookalikes

Football lookalikes

Report: McLaren sacked by FA

2007-11-22T08:13:00.000-08:00

Report: McLaren sacked by FA

Steve McClaren has been sacked as England manager following their failure to qualify for the European Championship finals next year, it has been reported.

The Football Association had still not made an official statement but McClaren's 19-month reign in charge appeared over following the 3-2 defeat by Croatia at Wembley.

England needed just a draw against Croatia to seal a place in Euro 2008 but defeat means they will be missing from a major finals for the first time since the 1994 World Cup.

A 12-man FA board met from 8.30am for an emergency meeting today to discuss McClaren's future. The under-fire coach had said on Wednesday he would not resign.

McClaren took over from Swede Sven-Goran Eriksson after last year's World Cup finals in Germany where England reached the quarter-finals.

Speculation is now turning to who the FA will choose to lead the qualification for the 2010 World Cup which begins next year. Former Chelsea manager Jose Mourinho was quoted as 7-2 favourite with British bookmakers.

Stan the man

2007-11-20T11:03:00.000-08:00

Football

2007-08-03T14:01:00.000-07:00

Football

Aus vs SA--highest ODI score ever by AUS and chased by SA

2007-03-31T13:38:00.001-07:00

2007-03-25T04:10:00.000-07:00

Salty Motors

50 things Gazza has done...

2007-03-22T10:11:00.000-07:00

50 things Gazza has done...

1) One hour after playing for England, met 'showbiz pals' Danny Baker
and Chris Evans in a Hampstead pub while still wearing his full kit...
boots included.

2)When asked for his nationality before an operation, told the nurse:
"Church Of England."

3) On a trip to London, jumped out of his car to demand "a go" on a
workman's pneumatic drill. After getting the go-ahead, happily pounded
the pavement to the amusement of shoppers.

4) On first meeting with Lazio's president to discuss his big-money move
to the Italian club, was quick to tell the esteemed gentleman that he
reminded him of comedian Russ Abbot.

5) Organisers of Italia 90 TV coverage had the splendid idea of
augmenting team line-ups with footage of each player mouthing his own
name. Gascoigne's genius led him to subvert the process by instead
mouthing 'f***ing w***ker.' Broadcasters across the world had to use it
all the way through the tournament.

6) Booked a series of sun-bed sessions for then-Newcastle team-mate Tony
Cunningham. Who, of course, is black.

7) Asked by a Norwegian camera crew if he had a message for England's
upcoming opponents, immediately responded with, "Yes. F**k off, Norway."
Then ran off laughing.

(Embedded image moved to file: pic16944.gif)CoolTurned up for England
training the morning after then-manager Bobby
Robson had called him "daft as a brush" with a floor brush sticking out
of his sock.

9) When asked for a footballing comment while at Lazio, burped
enthusiastically into a TV microphone. He was fined #39,000.

10) Decided it would be a great idea to have massive hair extensions.
Looked a fool and had them taken out a day later.

11) After paying for ex-wife Sheryl's breasts implants, sent flowers to
the hospital after the operation addressed to 'Dolly Parton.'

12) Astounded commuters in London by jumping on a double-decker in
London's Piccadilly Circus and asking if he could have a drive. The bus
driver said yes, and the passengers thoroughly enjoyed Gazza's impromptu
performance.

13) Sent a rose to the Wimbledon dressing room for Vinnie Jones after
the infamous ball-squeezing incident. Got a toilet brush in return.

14) Set up best mate Jimmy 'Five Bellies' Gardner with a 'girl' he knew
to be a transvestite.

15) Has taken the piss out of refs constantly during his career. On one
occasion he sniffed a hapless ref's armpit while he was holding his hand
high to signal a free kick.

16) Undeterred by their frosty reactions, Gazza again tried to prove
that refs have a sense of humour by yellow-carding the referee after the
official had dropped his card during a Rangers v Hibs game. He was
booked for his troubles.

17) While attempting to deflect the 'kebab controversy' which spelled
the beginning of the end of his England career, assured reporters that
his doner-munching antics following Middlesbrough's promotion to the
Premiership would in no way affect his fitness before France 98. One
reporter asked: "What do you feel like now?" Back came the inevitable
response: "I feel like a kebab with onions."

1(Embedded image moved to file: pic32439.gif)Cool As an apprentice
desperate to impress then-Newcastle boss Jack
Charlton, spent a week's money on fishing gear and begged the famous
angler to give him a lesson. On arrival at the riverbank, Charlton
promptly threw all but the rod out into the briny, then poured a bottle
of Newcastle Brown into the water, dipped in the rod and within seconds
was pulling out a whopper. Lesson over.

19) As 'perk' of boot-cleaning duties during his apprenticeship, took
Kevin Keegan's Golas home to show his mates. But left them on the
Newcastle Underground.

20) When playing for England against Belgium in Italia 90, ridiculed
Enzo Scifo as he lay on the ground clutching his leg. Gazza thought he
was play-acting, so did a mime of his own which involved hopping on one
leg with his tongue rolling out.

21) His attempt to jet off to Libya with Middlesbrough for a post-season
tour was hampered by the fact he'd left his passport at home. An
emotional Gazza wept at the check-in desk until a minion was despatched
to bring it to the airport.

22) Celebrated his new-found hero status after flying home from Italia
90 by wearing a huge pair of fake plastic boobs and stomach bearing the
legend 'Gazza.'

23) On meeting the president of Denmark's FA, pretended he could speak
Danish. When invited to demonstrate, imitated The Muppet Show's Swedish
Chef.

24) Conned Five Bellies into eating a mince pie after he'd scraped out
the filling and replaced it with cat shit.

25) Walked into the Middlesbrough canteen wearing nothing but his
training socks and ordered lunch.

26) Paid #320 for a Mars Bar in a newsagents in his home town of
Dunston, then told the shop owner to spend the change on sweets for
local kids.

27) Whilst dining in the prestigious Bedford Arms Hotel in Woburn with a
few of his Geordie mates, decided to place his erect member on the
shoulder of a diner at the next table. Thinking someone had tapped him
on the shoulder the gentleman turned his head only to have Gazza's
helmet prod him in the cheek.

2(Embedded image moved to file: pic24626.gif)Cool Took a documentary team
to a beautiful Scottish cottage which he
informed them was his new place, pretended he'd forgotten his key and
knocked instead. When the door opened, told the befuddled housewife
inside that he was doing a telly advert and wanted to know if she
preferred Daz or Omo.

29) Crashed Middlesbrough's team bus at the club's training ground and
caused #310,000 worth of damage.

30) While at Rangers, urinated over sleeping team-mate Richard Gough.

31) Handed #1,000 over to Jimmy Five Bellies after betting that the
burly boozer couldn't withstand a cigarette lighter's heat on the bridge
of his nose for five seconds. Jimmy could. Twice.

32) After briefly giving up drinking, was advised to find a new
interest. Picked bingo.

33) Bought a #1,000 robot and programmed it to travel into Jimmy Five
Bellies' room at Gazza Towers and announce: "Make a cup of tea, fat
man."

34) Was banned from Liverpool's Cream nightclub in advance within days
of joining Everton because the Evertonians who run the place wanted him
to avoid temptation and stay fit.

35) Prepared for England matches during that hugely important tournament
by playing marathon games of tennis in the scorching midday sun.

36) Thought it would be appropriate to wear a blue fright wig before the
1991 FA Cup Final.

37) In his time, has agreed to dress as a Roman centurion, a clown,
Oliver Hardy and Braveheart for photo opportunities.

3(Embedded image moved to file: pic11323.gif)Cool While his Italia 90
team-mate was the hero of Hillsborough, marched
into a Sheffield barber shop and demanded "a Waddle cut."

39) When Gazza signed for Spurs in 1988, he came down to finalise the
deal with a bunch of his Geordie mates. They took over the posh hotel in
Hadley Wood where Spurs were footing the bill and wreaked havoc. Gazza
met then-chairman Irving Scholar and began talks by saying, "We'd like
to thank you for the best three days of our lives."

40) Was asked to leave West Lodge Park Hotel in London after guests were
treated to the sight of a naked Five Bellies swimming across the duck
pond.

41) On his first night in Rome after signing for Lazio, gave his minder
the slip, put his shoes by an open window and hid in a cupboard. The
minder thought he'd committed suicide.

42) Recorded a video message for a corporate party and signed off with a
cheery "Happy Christmas, you f***ing w***ers."

43) Greeted reporters in Rome by standing up, asking for silence, then
farting at ear-splitting volume.

44) Told an interviewer that he was so superstitious about the number 13
that he couldn't ever bear to see the numbers 4 and 9 together. Oddly,
the combination of 5 and 8 was deemed OK.

45) Shredded England team-mate Dennis Wise's Armani suit "for a laugh."

46) While staying at a Scottish hotel, drove across its golf course in
his four-wheel drive Jeep.

47) While his reputation preceded him in Italy, the English language did
not. Hence, his Lazio debut was marked by a banner which read: 'Gazza's
Boys, We Are Here. Shake Your Women And Drink Your Beer.'

4(Embedded image moved to file: pic05537.gif)Cool Conversely, rival Italian
supporters once hailed him with a banner
which stated bluntly: 'Paul Gazza, You Are Fat Poofta.'

49) After being sent off while playing for Lazio, shook hands with
virtually every member of the Genoa side.

50) While staying in a New Zealand hotel, was told there was no bacon
for breakfast. Replied, "What, all the sheep in this country and there's
no bloody bacon!"

Keane rips into mediocre, insane Ireland before Wales crunch game

2007-03-22T04:55:00.000-07:00

Keane rips into mediocre, insane Ireland before Wales crunch game

A floundering manager in charge of an underachieving set of players backed up by an incompetent organisation: Roy Keane said nothing new in his assessment of the Republic of Ireland football team and the Football Association of Ireland yesterday, but he did say it again. Loudly.

Three days before the Republic begin must-win European Championship qualifiers against Wales and Slovakia, Keane ripped into the manager, Steve Staunton, and the whole Irish set-up. "There's a fine line between loyalty and stupidity, a very fine line" was perhaps his harshest criticism - this concerned Staunton's selection policy - but the FAI will not be pleased to have been labelled "mediocre", nor will senior players in the squad who were deemed to be "not setting the world alight" in the Premiership. Keane named them: Steve Finnan, Robbie Keane, John O'Shea, Damien Duff and Shay Given.

Last Friday in Sunderland Keane said that Liam Miller had been omitted from the Irish squad partly because he came from Cork and in Dublin yesterday, where he publicised Irish Guide Dogs for the Blind, he showed that his comments on Miller had only been a warm-up tirade.

"I'm sure Steve [Staunton] will say, 'I'll pick what I think is the best team'," Keane said. "If they qualify, then fair enough, you can say 'I got it right'. It's your job as a manager. You've got to pick the right team, you've got to manage. But if you keep picking the same players who aren't performing all the time, that's insanity. You'll get the same results.

"We all know the players I'm talking about. There's a fine line between loyalty and stupidity. A very fine line.

"It will be like that against Wales. The four or five senior players have to step up to the plate. But they've been asked before. Look at some of our players at the bigger clubs. Robbie Keane is doing OK at Tottenham, John O'Shea is in and out at [Manchester] United, Duffer's at Newcastle with Shay. But none of these players at this moment in time are setting the world alight. Also Steve Finnan at Liverpool."

Keane added that the FAI had a lot to learn from the rugby and cricket people, and last month's skin-of-the-teeth win over San Marino did not impress him either. "If you're celebrating beating San Marino, then that worries me," he said.

But he still thinks the Irish, who have already lost to Germany and Cyprus and drawn with the Czech Republic, will beat Wales. "Wales aren't that great," he said.

Quarter-final draw

2007-03-09T03:55:00.000-08:00

Quarter-final draw

AC Milan v Bayern Munich
PSV Eindhoven v LIVERPOOL
Roma v MANCHESTER UNITED
CHELSEA v Valencia
(First legs to be played on 3/4 April and second legs on 10/11 April)

Semi-final draw
CHELSEA or Valencia v PSV Eindhoven or LIVERPOOL
Roma or MANCHESTER UNITED v AC Milan or Bayern Munich
(First legs to be played on 24/25 April and second legs on 1/2 May)

Big Kick

2007-03-02T09:23:00.000-08:00

Top 10 Chants of the year

2007-02-23T09:06:00.000-08:00

“World Cup - and you ****** it up!”
All four sides of the ground during Everton-Arsenal game, including away fans, chanting at Graham Poll, who showed three yellow cards to the same player in the World Cup.

“If you made a lot of money selling biscuits, buy our club.”
West Ham fans to new owner, biscuit baron Eggert Magnusson, to the tune of the old Club biscuit TV advert.

“Put Your hands up for Dirk Kuyt - he loves this city!” (To the tune and rhythm of ‘Put Your Hands Up For Detroit’).
Liverpool fans to striker Dirk Kuyt.

“All bling and Burberry, high teenage pregnancy, no father on the scene, all robbing cash machines!”
A chant that Sittingbourne fans sing to local rivals Chatham (to the tune of Verdi’s La Donna e Mobile).

“Mourinho are you listening, you’d better keep our trophy glistening, coz we’ll be back in May to take it away, walking in a Fergie Wonderland!”
Manchester United fans taunt Chelsea to the tune of Winter Wonderland.

“What’s that coming over the hill? It’s Michael Chopra! It’s Michael Chopra!”
Cardiff City fans to their striker (to the tune of ‘Monster’ by The Automatic). There have been many imitations since then, but this is the original and best.

“He’s fat, he’s round, he’s kicked us out our ground, Robbie Williams, Robbie Williams.”
Scotland fans at Parkhead after the game was moved because of a Robbie gig at Hampden.

“There’s only one Emile Heskey, one Emile Heskey, he used to be s***e, but now he’s all right, walkin’ in a Heskey wonderland.”
Wigan fans to Emile Heskey (to the tune of Winter Wonderland - apparently Birmingham fans had a similar version).

“Ben-jani, who-ah-whoh whoh…he comes from Zimbabwe, he’ll score eventually.”
Pompey fans to striker Benjani Mwarawari.

“Geordies at home, watching The Bill.”
Sung by Boro fans during the second leg of their Uefa Cup semi-final at the Riverside.

HAPPY CHRISTMAS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Little Joke

2007-02-23T06:42:00.000-08:00

This man is at work one day when he notices that his male co- worker is wearing an earring.

This man knows his co-worker to be a normally conservative fellow, and is curious about his sudden change in "fashion sense."

"Yo, Bob, I didn't know you were into earrings."

"Oh, yeah, sure," says Bob sheepishly.

"Really? How long have you been wearing one?"

"Ever since my wife found it in our bed!"

Go on the Everton

2007-02-16T07:29:00.001-08:00

Ireland Vs France in Croke Park

2007-02-16T07:25:00.000-08:00

George Hamilton - Legend

2007-02-16T02:53:00.000-08:00

Metaphor king, chicken counter extraordinaire, and master of many languages. George Hamilton and your guff, we simply stand back and admire.

"Real Madrid are like a rabbit in the glare of the headlights in the face of Manchester United's attacks. But this rabbit comes with a suit of armour in the shape of two precious away goals."
Simply the greatest sentence ever uttered.

“And Hyypia rises like a giraffe to head the ball clear.”
George alludes to the giant African mammal renowned for its mighty leaps.

"Russia have beaten Ireland 4-2, Albania 4-1 and now Switzerland 4-1 at home. It would be a wise man who bet against them beating Georgia."
Bet George Hamilton's a popular man down his local bookies.

”What a goal. What a goal! Straight through the legs of Adams, it flew towards the roof of the net like a Wurlitzer!"
Hope that didn't go straight down the keeper's throat.

”The midfield are like a chef...........trying to prise open a stubborn oyster to get at the fleshy meat inside.”
Reckon Keano would have got the hammer out.

“The orange tide is lapping against the green door which refuses to open.”
George is all at sea with this maritime metaphor.

"Glum Oranges. In fact I think the fruit their feelings are more akin to is a lemon."
The coup de grace from Ireland’s defeat of Holland.

“We could let them score one now and they wouldn't have time to score another.”
George perhaps reveals why he choose commentary above coaching as he comes up with a novel way of running down the clock.

”Kevin Moran.....oldest man on the pitch today...35 years of age.....of course the referee could possibly be older than that ......and technically he's on the pitch too.....then again his linesmen could be even older than him... but are they technically 'on' the pitch.”
George digs and digs 'til daylight is but a distant memory.

”That should be NO problem for the defence - OH NOOOO!!"
A familiar refrain.

"Poland have to score twice now to draw and they will not do so."
The Poles duly knock one in. Minutes later.....

"I might be tempting fate but I can't see the Poles scoring...OH NOOOO they just have!!"
By DangerHere's calculations, George is directly responsible for 87% of the goals Ireland have conceded during his reign in the gantry.

George: "Roy Carsley has it"
Jim: "Lee Carsley, George"
George: "Ah yes, perhaps it's because his head reminds me of Ray Wilkins"

“Italy are preparing to make a substitution - and it is, the unmistakable figure............of Roberto Baggio”
George announces the arrival on the pitch of..... Gianluca Vialli. Unfortunately, the two subs had got their shirts mixed up.

“And Ireland have got to contain the brothers Baggio.”
George surely was the only one not to know.

”The Baggio brothers, of course, are not related.”
But at least he cleared it up. Or did he?

”The seeds of doubt that were sown at the weekend against Egypt have been doused by a dose of Jack Charlton's almighty weedkiller.”
George goes green in Italia 90

“If that’s not offside, I’m a Chinaman!”
George reveals his oriental background after a perfectly correct refereeing decision.

“You sir, are an idiot!”
George politely rebukes Lilian Laslandes after a red card offence.

“He's pulling him off. The Spanish manager is pulling his Captain off!”
Our George thinks THE George as Butragueno is replaced.

”Red Sky at night, good day tomorrow.”
George reckons that the popular proverb needs a little simplification

”Bless my soul, he’s missed it!”
George is disappointed in Simone Inzaghi's penalty taking skills.

"Two nil and the ability to score goals in seventeen consecutive matches, getting the ball in the net, it, the shape of what we're to expect, even if Iran are good, has to be positive."
George in succinct stylist mode

"And we're now watching a traditional Korean Drum Dance, performed by the appropriately named Kim Yung BONG"
George finds something of interest during the World Cup draw preliminaries.

"The ESB-sponsored Georgian special Olympics team will be in Dublin this year and maybe they will reflect on the night Ireland came to Tbilisi and provided more than power."
Pure George

"We're into the second moment of stoppage time of which there isn't one."
George breaks new ground to become the first commentator to enter a time vacuum

"The flags are waving, and no doubt at the foot of the Alps, the cow bells are chiming too. And it's going to take a lot for Ireland to turn it round and sour the chocolate."
The moment Ireland knew the World Cup game was up.

"...the industrious Czech, to the German Hamann, to Murphy, the quintessential Englishman."
I'm sure even Danny Murphy would doff his top hat to that one.

"They've really eked this one out. Like coal miners mining their seam until they finally reach the surface with their precious black gold."
Another George classic at the end of Arsenal - Kiev.

Scoretime

2007-02-15T13:45:00.001-08:00

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